By Paul Kendon

The way Willy tells it is priceless. I’ll try to do justice.

A couple of nights ago, Willy and Nelson were tending bar. Taking turn about on security.

This Indian fulla who’d been winding up Willy all night comes up to the two of ‘em, saying the girl at the end of the bar stole a significant sum from him. The ‘girl’ was a fafafini. Nelson was polite enough to refer to the accused as her, while Willy took delight in referring to the aforementioned as him.

“Where was the money?”, asked Willy.

“In my pocket”?, says an intimidated Indian.

“Well how’d he steel it then?” continues Willy, more amused than interested.

“… ahm… in the toilet”, confides sheepish Indian.

“What were you doing in the bogs with her?”, enter Nelson.

(Mumbling), “I fucked her”, Indian.

“That’s a guy,” says Willy struggling to subdue his delight.

“Well…, she… you know.”

“Nah I don’t know,” says Willy. “J’ya use a rubber?”

“Yeah two,” says embarrassed Indian.

Nelson checked the garden bar ladies loo. Sure enough, two rubber wrappers were discovered.

Nelson took the Indian aside to interoge further while Willy interviewd our friendly neighbourhood fafafeini.

“I know you took that money,” says Willy quietly to the fafa’.

“Not even,” says fafa’.

“Tell ya what. You flick me a hundie and I won’t say nothing,” says willy.

“Fiddy,’ S/he,” offers.

“Deal,” says Willy.

In summary:
Indian walks home $400+ out of pocket.
Willy buys a bag.
Whore blows all on pokies. Earns more giving blow-jobs in the park.

“fucka was annoying me all night. Was rude. Tole me to get him a beeer like I waas his bitch. Fuckem,” says Willy.