Men and Money
What is it with men and money? I know you have to have money in order to live I get that, but why is it so important to have more than you need? I may be generalizing here a little bit and to tell you the truth I wonder if it is just the older male that has this problem. My man is 53 yrs old and obsessed with money and making our lives so we need and want for nothing. This is great im not saying it isn’t and his work ethic is next to none I have known. But for me other things come before money. Family is one and being together is another. I think I have the old idea of relationships where at the end of the day you come home and be together. Eating dinner at the table and everyone talking about their day is important to me. It allows me to know what everyone’s been up to and where their heads are at and gives everyone a chance to know that what they are going through can be shared and halved just by voicing it. It instils in the children that communication is important. That after the kids are in beds its turn off the TV and spend time together just the two of you. I think that today’s world is just so fast paced that if you don’t get this time you could easily lose yourself and your relationship in the daily grind. So what does that have to do with men and money it’s coming…
The man in my life is a Fitter/Welder and he works all over the world. Although he is employed out of a workshop in New Plymouth. He has the choice to work in the workshop and make as much as we need to live on a week and come home at the end of the day and be with his family. Or he can work anywhere in the world and be gone from anything up to 5 weeks and be home for 2 and earn 4 times what we need to live on a week and not get taxed NZ taxes on it. His choice is to work overseas and earn way more than we need. It means he’s more often than not, not here on important days such as birthdays sometimes he is not here for Christmas and he hasn’t been here ever on my birthday in the whole time we have been together. I will admit I didn’t sign on for this when we got together and didn’t even know he could do this sort of thing till about 6 months into our relationship when the chance to go and work in Lahir came up and he really wanted to go. He did say he wouldn’t go but who am I to stop him going and then live with the chance he would blame me later. It’s good money I could make in 5 weeks what I would make in 12 months here. It’s a great once in a lifetime opportunity. It won’t even last a year and imagine what we could do with that money buy a house and some new furniture blah blah.
Needless to say it has been Lahir, South Africa, Aussie, at the moment it’s England with 4 weeks there and 2 home. It’s always a case of the money and how great it will be and we will not want for anything. Apart from being together and sharing our day-to-day life! Why is it that money is much more important to men than women? Or maybe the question really is not so generalized and is why does money mean more to him than me?
By nikki on Feb 11, 2008 | In Nikki | 10 feedbacks »
I see this a lot.
Often.
My husband is a contractor as well. But we travel together.
And most times it's more than a few years.
I don't really understand the people that do this and have a wife and kids at home waiting for them.
I haven't found an explanation for that sort of thing yet.
Sorry.
You can't travel with him?
nikki He talked about his long hours and made the point that he didnt get to see his family. He admitted that all they really did was spend his money. In all of this he seemed ok, happy, he had money and people who were enjoying the fruits of his labour that he could call wife and offspring.
Then I asked him if it had all been worth it.
He knew what I meant.
He went very quiet.
nikki Blackspot I used to be very much like this and so was Mrs BS. Though in her case it was more of a glass ceiling thing. In my case it started with a desire to get on career wise, then it manifested itself with a desire to "get stuff" now it is proably motivated by a desire to retire in the next 5 years.
I am lucky though that I work for someone who doesnt care if I spend 3 hours or 12 hours a day at my job as long as I get the results. I am also able to delegate and have fantastic people around me. My the personal motto about work is "doing nothing... very well"
But I have long ago made the decision that while getting to the top would have been great I couldn't abide the personal cost of doing it.
Congratulations Nikki! Happy for you. As my Mother would say...ask and you shall receive :).
Voyager First Blackspot - points for sharing, not going to pretend that my situation bears any similarity, for 20 yeas I've been there for a daughter with a special medical condition. In her case outwardly normal but I've still signed her life away for major surgery more times than her precious years & been there waiting for her to recover & the first precious eye contact as she emerges from anaesthesia.
In my situation it negatively influenced an already tenuous relationship and to this day, despite years of separation, I still feel responsibility for their financial well being.
Socialisation is an interesting thing (and I have studied it earlier in my life), so good at maintaining supposed order & acceptable behaviour despite the damage it does to the individual.
Even now one of the challenges to my drive to rebuild my life is the bouts of questioning my self worth becasue I fell off my game in terms of developing wealth & financial security. Reality is that they are secure but the whole thing has done huge emotional damage.
Nikki - so pleased for you, maybe there's a plus in the ability of the older partner to hear the message & adapt :)
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