Oooh, ouch. Snooping. Im an "is it all over once I start snooping" person. I know ill have to confess or it'll haunt me for the rest of ever...then ill forever be under suspicion.

I wanted to ask on your previous post...has your partner ever talked about his previous relationships? Do you have any reason to believe he's relating to you differently than he did to partners before you? Has he talked about enjoying an active sex life in the past?

We have touched on the subject before. This was something he wondered might be freaking him out when I first brought it up as an issue 3 1/2 years ago. He hasn’t been adventurous in his sex life and he knows I have been. I told him that was ok we could adventure together. That I sure had tried many things some of which I would never do again others well I would introduce him to them. Soon that didn’t come up as an issue anymore.

His wife did have many affairs on him and left him in the end for someone she was having an affair with. However I don’t know if that tells me anything as he was working offshore a lot in those days. In the 35 years between his wife and me (his two long term relationships) he had a few and said they fine. Nothing more elaborate than that though.

I know he visited escorts a lot during that time. And he used to go the massage parlours here in New Plymouth when we were first together. His explanation to me about that was at 3am there’s nothing else open to drink at and him and the guys would go there to drink and they had the best toasted sandwiches. Some of his mates would get with the girls but he said he was never interested. He even took me to meet the girls once and he was right. They were on a friendly basis with him but it didn’t seem like they were overly friendly. Having said that I know that they are not allowed to even acknowledge a man they have been with on the street so it might have been that when I was there.

There was an issue a few months ago when he went out with one of his mates and on his bank statement it had Devon Agencies. Everyone knows what that means and it was too much money to have just brought drinks. The guy he went with even though married had used these services before. And my man said he had leant the friend some money and why would he have put it on his card if it was for him due to the fact that I do his banking etc and have access to his accounts. His mate wouldn’t fess up and I have told him I don’t totally believe him but that would let it ride but I didn’t want him visiting those sorts of places again. (Considering the whole saga at home and its not a case of me not wanting it). He had no issue with that and said sorry and hasn’t been out on the town since. Was I stupid to believe him? IS it that he feels comfortable with an escort more because there is no pressure to perform? Oh now I’m really freaking out! I would hate to think id been played for a fool! Being that I have never paid for an escort is it that? What do escorts expect from their jobs? Damn!

I know how you feel. I think what you feel is missing is the emotional connection. The words and actions are all there but something in your gut wonders if either are sincere or just meaningless expressions.

Where are the long lingering glances, held eye contact in conversation and frequent little touches, flowers, love notes and all those little touches Mills & Boon assured us were evidence of love.

I think with love we expect to be able to 'feel' it as if it exudes from their pores and sinks into ours.

That is what we seek, that intimate connection that needs neither word or action.

Meanwhile we can love without feeling sexual attraction, as we love friends, children, family. I think though if sex is desired in a relationship, then it is a requirement that sexual attraction is present else it may be harder to maintain.

I forgot to add of course than libido varies and so sexual attraction is not likely to be a reason for increased or reduced sexual activity, rather the hormones will! Sexual attraction merely ensures quality.

Hi everyone,

Im new on the job! Better saying I would like to start on it properly... any advices??? Anything special I should consider?

Thank you