Satisfied
I was asked yesterday by a friend wether I was satisfied with my life. This friend makes me think! Not about world issues or where I stand on topics etc but about my life what direction it is taking and wether im just settling as is easier to do than being true to myself! Sometimes I love this friend other times I just wish the friendship wasn’t so deep for lack of a better term.
Im the first to admit I don’t have all the answers to my life or to others lives but I try to be true to myself and the people around me. However yesterdays question throw me a little and my answer was no one is truly satisfied with his or her life and hoped I would get off lightly and the conversation would end there. I did and the conversation stopped there, only because she knew the conversation would haunt me and I would still be thinking about it long after she left!
On the surface I can quite honestly say I am satisfied with my life. Digging a little deeper however the answer would change. I don’t think that anyone is truly happy with all aspects of their life and I don’t think that would change no matter how much time you devoted to this subject. As humans change and adapt to their life at that time and that means that you will always find things you wish you could change. Ok here I am trying to justify to myself that I need not to look and change things I am unhappy with. I guess that this is a personal quest I have going on that has lasted as long as I can remember!
Sometimes I sit and think that im being rather selfish mainly because we have a good life and need or want for nothing! I don’t know of a lot of people who have the luxury of being able to stay home with the kids and still have a good lifestyle. Who have a partner that treats them with respect and loving most of the time. Who’s kids while they have their problems are close their parents. And on the outside looking in we are a “typically sane” family who have direction and financial stability to make things we want happen. And so many of my friends think me lucky. As do I. I certainly don’t take these things for granted and thank whatever “higher being” is out there for what we have.
But having money and the ability to make things happen for the better doesn’t necessarily make for a happy person unless of course you measure yourself on these things, which I do not (not saying that it is wrong to do so). Certainly I am not one to judge another human being.
I am what I consider a normal human being and want for the same things that others want and most of the time the need for intimacy eludes me. I’m not saying just sex here or though I think a much deeper sex life helps. I am more meaning the feelings of closeness, safety, trust and transparency. For intimacy to be sustainable and nourishing it also requires trust, transparency and rituals of connection. You have to know yourself and your inner self in order to share your self with another. Knowing yourself makes it possible to stand for yourself in an intimate relationship without taking over or losing yourself to the other. I think this is the journey I have to undertake in order to be satisified with my life at this present moment. Ah whatever interesting times!
Post by: Nikki
Country: New Plymouth, NZ
My Profile: KiwiPulse
By nikki on Jan 29, 2008 | In Nikki | 5 feedbacks »
I dont consider myself satisfied. Not because of the things I havent done and am avoiding but things Id like in my life which just dont fit with others, meaning I need to choose one or the other, ie. Ive said it elsewhere "Eternally caught between white picket fence life and conquering the world". I know I can do both at different times but Ive always been frustrated by a sense of things that all require a lifetime commitment. Unfortunately I only have one lifetime to fit them all into so I fear they'll never really be complete, if done at all. I also have a very long "to do" list (which Im actually planning a post on) and live in fear of not getting through it.
While I loved my husband, way back when, I spent my marriage being aware of some other potential for myself that had little chance of being reached within that relationship. I buried the thought for the most part and, yes, enjoyed what I had, but it was never destined to be enough.
nikki Im pleased to be in the situation I am now, intent on establishing my path first before finding the man to fit it. If I dont find him, and I may not, so be it.
Too often people live in fear of the unknown or cling to their comfort zones, at the expense of truly living. I wouldnt condemn this, it certainly has its advantages, but Im pleased to be one of those happy to "run the gauntlet".
Voyager I know that I have a history of looking under all the wrong rocks & maybe partly due to the long slow struggle to deal with myself & life's challenges but recently I struggle to spend extended time with one person.
Might blame the Virgo/Monkey search for "that one" :)
I do know that I'm now the person capable of a real relationship & yes Nikki a lot of that is knowing myself so much better (both the good & bad) .
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