un•so•lic•it•ed
adj. Not looked for or requested; unsought: an unsolicited manuscript; unsolicited opinions.

I’ve had a roller coaster week! Dramas. Some awesome news. Dramas. Way too much thinking. One point that has been highlighted is the sharing of unsolicited information. As the years go on for me in this business I grow increasingly peevish about it.

pee⋅vish
–adjective
1. cross, querulous, or fretful, as from vexation or discontent: a peevish youngster.
2. showing annoyance, irritation, or bad mood: a peevish reply; a peevish frown.
3. perverse or obstinate.
Synonyms:
1. petulant, irritable, snappish.

It’s no great secret that I’m pretty “out” but most aren’t. Unfortunately, this means they have secrets! Everyone has goddam secrets! Big ones. And if you know their secrets you are responsible for keeping them safe. As someone who really doesn’t have secrets, I don’t require reciprocation. I do not place this expectation / burden on anyone. Yet other peoples are placed on me daily.

I understand why.

I certainly feel honoured that I am trusted with this.

But. As the information I carry grows I increasingly feel the need to “control” what I’m presented with. To control, and make very clear, what I’m willing to take responsibilty for. A conversation recently went something like:

Sally: “Don’t tell me, I don’t want to know”
Response: *full, detailed low down on everything that happened*
Sally: “What part of “I don’t want to know” did you think I didn’t mean!?”

This is unsolicited information. Information I have not agreed to care for, yet, I am likely still expected to. A big one for me is real names. I do not want real names in my head! Fine to know them (generally) but I don’t want them used around me. Anyone wanting to come into the industry will usually introduced themselves by their real name. Once a working name has been decided this is who they become to me, even in our private emails. I do explain why.

It’s too easy to trip up. It gets too confusing! I live in a permanent state of paranoid fear that I’ve inadvertently made a public (or otherwise) reference to someone using their private information. Particularly when you know someone well, as equally their real name vs alias, the line becomes very blurred. So far I haven’t slipped up but, this is purely because I work very hard not to and frankly, I’m getting sick of the pressure.

Unsolicited information can see you in the firing line just because “you know it". Whether you wished to know this or not becomes completely irrelevant.

Unsolicited information can see you involved in things you would far rather have stayed out of. Unfortunately, now you know, you do need to do something. Head in the sand does serve some purposes!

In saying all of this, I do not apply anything a client would share with me to unsolicited category. I appreciate their honesty and sharing of themselves. Inviting them to contact me constitutes my agreement. I AGREE to carry his/her secrets. I have no issue with them, no resentment of them, no desire to minimise them.

Yes, it has been a drama week and I’m feeling particularly sensitive. But, people MUST take responsibility for what they share. People MUST consider the position they inadvertently place others in with their revelations. The point that I have no secrets* does add a particular dimension to my stance.

*I thought I’d done a post on secrets but I can’t find it if I have. Coming soon if not.