I’ve had a number of exchanges over the past few months regarding how the sex industry has changed particularly over the past few years. My opinion is that the fundamental factors are mostly unchanged probably for many hundreds of years but some of the factors generating the more negative and destructive aspects are new.

I’m not going to dissect the industry in detail, more of that another time, I want to share some of my thoughts and observations around some specific factors behind recent changes. Firstly a little background to my current thinking.

Some of the things that I don’t believe have changed for time immemorial are:

• Society’s denial of the industry as a profession and treating it as a necessary dirty secret to be hidden away & never mentioned in “polite company”
• Prevalence of drugs in the industry - I’ll come back to this one as an area that has changed in other ways
• Treatment of sex workers as second class citizens not worthy of respect and protection let alone basic human dignity

Before I dive into some of the more negative changes there are some positive changes from my biased viewpont:

• Here in NZ the Prostitution Reform Act has alleviated some of the issues around participation in the industry and we have seen more people come & go from the industry adn certainly an increase in higher quality & professional providers. On the downside local communities and local government bodies flaunt the intent of the legislation and continue to harass legitimate small operators.
• Over the past 5-8 years the availability of internet advertising has made the industry far more accessible although the down side in this market has been pressure on price, NZ still has one of the safest and cheapest sex industries in the world, punters would be paying 3-4 times the local rate in any other “civilised” country.
• Professional sex is safer than in past generations let alone centuries. Overall the sex industry is a safer environment than the pub/club & internet dating scenes due to safe sex practices and influence of legislation like the NZ PRA
• It is easier for private workers to operate although the current situation in Auckland where apartment body corporates and building managers are actively tracking down and expelling anyone providing sexual services yet either allowing or turning a blind eye to other professions is causing some grief.

So, what are the things that are damaging the industry? For me the first two are the major problem in the NZ environment along with a few others:

• Drugs ! Drugs have always been a part of the industry one way or another but here in NZ we have a major problem. NZ rates at the top of the world rankings for drug and alcohol abuse, even worse NZ is at the top of the world rankings in terms of methamphetamine use - locally know as P elsewhere as crack. It is cheap, readily available and a scourge on society due to the neurological, psychotic an social damage it does. It is endemic in more of the sex industry than many will admit and one of the issues is that even when people kick the habit there are common neurological and psychotic side effects that can last for life. It is badly damaging our society let alone the sex industry
• Social networking sites like adult/escort forums and blogs are next on my list. There are some good aspects to these with some great review sites and forums out there that make information about the industry and providers readily available. There is however a serious downside. Rumour, scandal & damned lies have always abounded in the industry but before the advent of social networking sites it was readily hard for the shit to spread quickly. Now a simple post will send whatever someone posts around the world in an instant quickly spread by RSS feeds, Twitter etc. The anonymity makes it worse with no idea of who is behind sometimes very personal attacks. I’ve just quit a particularly bad local one in the form of adultforum There are some good people on there and good posts but it typifies an environment where reputations and sex industry careers can be damaged or destroyed in an instant via false or malicious posts and background private message gossiping. That and the fact that any negative reviews of providers who advertise on the associated escort listing site are immediately deleted leaves a twisted and sick blight on the industry. It’s not the only one like this but the biggest in NZ
• I’ve noted that ready access to internet escort listing sites has ad a positive impact but there has been some downside with price pressure being the biggest
• Similarly the ease of entry to the industry has meant over supply making it harder for the average provider to make a good living.

So, overall there are some positives but two big toxins are seriously damaging the industry - drugs damaging the individuals as well as aspects of safety and quality of service. Then there’s the social networking situation spreading lies, rumours, false reviews (good and bad versions) and negative shit fast and across large geographies from the safety of an anonymous profile. I exchanged messages with someone else who has been on the receiving end of this, his summary was exactly as I see it:

“AF is fucked.There was never ANY of this shit in my life before it. A few years ago no one knew anyone else’s business.And that’s what I liked. Not this shit now where you cant have a coffee or drink or even walk in the city without someone knowing.”

I’ve also witnessed very personal attacks on individuals that are plain wrong & seen false posts that have damaged provider’s reputations and business yet the majority of the anonymous wankers either don’t give a fuck or find it amusing. I’ve said my silent farewell

Most of this post is content I had intended to post as a farewell on a particularly sad yet very successful adult/sex industry forum. The numbness inside me due to events arising from that place that have invaded my life and people around means that my final act will be total silence - it’s not worth the energy.

So, this is a comment from me on the negative side of such forums and those who are addicted to them, there are some great forums out there but the one I’m referring to just isn’t one of those.

The thoughts around a final post were encouraged by a quote Rebecca sent me, it so succinctly summarises the worst aspects of that place:

“For the first time in my life I actually came across adults who can contribute nothing to my life….can offer nothing to anyone….who essentially are little children with fully formed genitalia”

I’ve encountered some great people on there, most of those I have contact with via other means so continuing to deal with the crap that dominates it is meaningless. The fact that my life has been invaded on a couple of fronts due to the intrigue & bitchiness of various people on here is even further reason to go silent.

Watching myself develop a persona on the forum that gets involved in the the shitty & petty exchanges has been such a negative influence in my life as commented on here a while ago that I had to deal with it anyway but the ongoing bullshit has finally got to me and forced an immediate exit.

I’m working on a post about how I think the sex industry and its participants have changed over the past 16-17 years I’ve been involved, forums like the one I’m referring to form part of that commentary so I’ll explain my thoughts in more detail in that post.

To the great people I’ve encountered on there thanks, to the majority - please continue to enjoy yourselves on there as it is the perfect outlet for your gobshite.

So, for those who know me I’ll still be around here from time to time & still participating in the happy & positive yet quiet escortsforum but I’m slowly detaching myself from a number of other connections I have to the sex industry.

It has been a while since I posted (or deleted the post soon afterwards due to demands from others)

So much good & bad has been happening so this is really a post to stay in touch & express some of what has been going on, some will never be in the public domain.

I’ve touched on the gradual separation from the sex industry aspects of my life, I’ll never let go entirely but recent events have reinforced how things have changed in that side of my life as well as how the situations I encounter are different due to totally different people.

I’ve learned a lot good & bad, have had to deal with the worst of consequences, some of which have demanded some very frontal strategies and had to walk away from contact with a really special person due to differences in how we deal with life and each other.

I’ve also detected an increase of intolerance in a forum I’ve watched & participated in. The level of intolerance & negative game playing has increased, very personal attacks in the name of humour & fun cross too many lines.

In the face of so much negativity I’ve withdrawn more than usual yet started to enjoy being more of my core self on the friendly little forum that was part of the creation of the Voyager persona.

The old Voyager will be back, the hunger to explore & taste is still alive even if it will be leaving some old habits & haunts behind.

Hah ! (and please read with a big dose of humour)

There I was quietly contemplating my strengths & weaknesses & by total coincidence someone sent me a link with one of the results being an interpretation of my life path number (33/6) - guilty as charged (mainly the negative parts) !

6 (6, 15/6, 24/6, 33/6)
The Life Path 6 suggests that you entered this planet with tools to become the ultimate nurturer, and a beacon for truth, justice, righteousness, and domesticity. Your paternal, or maternal, as the case may be, instincts with a 6 Life Path exceed all others by a considerable margin. Whether in the home or in the work place, you are the predominant caretaker and family head. While the 6 may assume significant responsibilities in the community, the life revolves around the immediate home and family, for this is the most domestic of numbers. Conservative principles and convictions are deeply ingrained and define your character.

You are idealistic and must feel useful to be happy. The main contribution you make is that of advice, service, and ever present support. You are a humanitarian of the first order. It is your role to serve others, and you start in the home environment. You are very human and realistic about life, and you feel that the most important thing in your life is the home, the family and the friends.

This is the Life Path related to leadership by example and assumption of responsibility, thus, it is your obligation to pick up the burden and always be ready to help. If you are like the majority with Life Path 6, you are one who will willingly carry far more than your fair share of any load, and you are always there when needed. In doing so, you take ownership and often become an authority over the situation.

In romance, the 6 is loyal and devoted. A a caretaker type, you are apt to attract partners who are somewhat weaker and more needy than yourself; someone you can care for and protect. The main ingredient that must prevail in the relationship is complete harmony. You don’t function well in stressful relationships that become challenges for you to control. It is the same with friends, you are loyal and trustworthy. But there is a tendency for you to become dominating and controlling.

It’s likely you feel compelled to function with strength and compassion. You are a sympathetic and kind person, generous with personal and material resources. Wisdom, balance, and understanding are the cornerstones of your life, and these define your approach to life in general. Your extraordinary wisdom and the ability to understand the problems of others is apt to commence from an early age. This allows you to easily span the generation gap and assume an important role in life early on.

The number 6 Life Path actually produces few negative examples, but there are some pitfalls peculiar to the path. You may have a tendency to become overwhelmed by responsibilities and a slave to others, especially members of you own family or close friends. It’s easy for you to fall into a pattern of being too critical of others; you also have a tendency to become too hard on yourself. The misuse of this Life Path produce tendencies for you to engage in exaggeration, over-expansiveness, and self-righteousness. Modesty and humility may not flow easily. Imposing one’s views in an interfering or meddling way must be an issue of concern.

The natural burdens of this number are heavy, and on rare occasions, responsibility is abdicated by persons with this Life Path 6. This rejection of responsibility will make you feel very guilty and uneasy, and it will have very damaging effects upon your relationships with others.

Events of the past few weeks have me thinking about a number of things, the first being the blurring of reality with a bit of the fun and fantasy aspects of life’s grand adventure and my relationship with people who care for me as I do them. The second is based on some statements made about my personality and behaviour.

I’ve touched on the surface of the first line of thought with a brief post about fantasy & reality and I’ve thought that of recent times I have the challenge in check but obviously not as well as I had thought. I have many fantasies in my head of a sexual & sensual nature that I think I want to explore, many others that I know through tasting the surface of them that they should stay as strong fantasies - the middle ground can be a real challenge !

What’s the problem ? The problem over that past few weeks was that I let the urge to explore something that is in the no man’s land of fantasy and experiences once immersed in collide with the reality of current time & place particularly the lives of people I am connected to. Suffice to say that things went horribly wrong at a relationship and emotional level not helped by some of the other tokens in play.

It has taken a lot of honesty on my part admitting to the mistakes I made and what went down, it has caused me to move on from a number of things that have been festering in my head for too long, things which once had a time & place in my life but no longer. That line of thought has a lot to do with consideration of deleting some of my old posts around the “darkside” of my life, I won’t but they are over & done with in a reality sense. I cherish the lessons learned & the people I have encountered but it is not part of the person I am now or intend to be in the future.

Another aspect of this line of thought has been to reconsider my perception of my connections to the sex industry. I have no regrets in fact nothing but fondness for the experiences and the privilege of time with the people involved. Again though I wonder if it is time to move on. I don’t think it could ever be a total severance especially as a few of the people I’ve met are friends who will be part of my life for the remainder of the journey, more a matter of facing up to having had a great time, learned so much but knowing that as with the darkside its time has passed.

Another reason why I don’t think I could ever totally sever my social connections with the industry is around what I posted under the heading of intensity addiction - I am strongly drawn to the directness, intensity and (mostly) honest nature of the people I encounter, I have yet to meet the same in other aspects of my life.

Then comes the second line of thought, aspects of my personality and behaviour that I need to consider and in some instances manage better. The first is broadly covered by everything above, the second was a comment that I’m narcissistic. Google it but a quick list of the traits are here courtesy of wikipedia & the broader discussion off wikipedia here

Is it true ? I guess this post proves it in part & yes I can seen many of the traits in myself and stronger than many I know. I also recognise that from my very early years I have been aware of an almost crippling poor self image despite the façade the world sees. Similarly the depression that nearly destroyed my life was more than likely triggered by some of these traits. I beat the depression and know myself well enough to stop it taking control of my life again, am normally aware and manage the worst of the visible symptoms much better than I did over the past few weeks and have learned to like myself a lot better than I did until a few years ago.

So where to from here ? Firstly sorry folks but the blog is staying for now - it is part of how I heal myself. Second the apology that was delivered in person to the one I hurt deeply is as honest & open in public as it was then. Thirdly this Fire Monkey as been burned on the flames of his own personality (and yes it is interesting to see the traits of the classic monkey - narcissistic r us !) so is licking his self inflicted wounds and thinking through the lessons learned.

The first lesson is being more thoughtful of the others in my life, second one reinforced that while I might deceive my self to the contrary at times I’m in no emotional let alone practical state for a meaningful & committed relationship. The rest, well that’s about accepting that I was wrong, making my peace with the one I wronged & continuing the journey having learned something of myself & my interaction with others.

The truly special people I have met through the industry over the years who have looked me in the eyes & told me the truth about the person they see & their total trust of me as I trust them has taught me so much over the years, time I got my shit together again & stopped taking so much for granted especially being true to myself.

It will be of little surprise to those who know me that I’m still lurking & pondering upon what has happened over the past few weeks.

My current thoughts are to cull some of the older posts that are either no longer relevant to my life, are so self indulgent that I cringe or part of some decisions I’m working through regarding where my life is & is not heading.

Having to remove a couple of recent posts, one under threat the other because it upset someone involved, I’m comfortable with removing some of the older posts that no longer fit with how I see the Voyager within.

So, back to the tree tops for a few days to consider the options then we’ll see if the wicked gleam in the monkey’s eyes returns or if it is indeed time to withdraw completely.