Continuing from the becalmed post over the weekend I was reminded of just how badly I’ve let my life get out of control and more importantly how I’m letting the expectations of others control how I behave.

It was a simple situation yet I’m still kicking myself (and apologising to the person I was with). I took a friend to the supermarket - yes friend & only that, admittedly a dominant one but a friend. By chance my ex wife was there, found out by chance exchange of text & phone calls & I walked out rather than risk a chance encounter & ensuing dramas. I have never felt so low, I went back but too late for me, the friend is very understanding but deep inside I’m still screaming.

What is it that drives me to such despicable behaviour in the supposed name of keeping the peace & protecting others from their frailties/faults ? Just as I avoid having lovers or female friends in my home while my daughter is present in order to avoid upsetting her.

I’ve taken a week or so from serious encounters to recover & sort myself out. Meeting up with two people I’m slowly getting to know from a message board not so far away. It will be good therapy, two people more than capable of challenging me & so far the cyber exchanges with them tell me that I’ll like them as people & fellow travellers on the twisted pathways of life’s glorious journey.